Next General SeaWolves Meeting is Meeting: Sunday, Apr 27th, 2008 7pm EST Seawolves meetings are now hosted on: Ventrilo

Things you Can't do in the Army: Part 2

51. Not allowed to quote "Dr Seuss" on military operations.

52. Not allowed to yell "Take that Cobra" at the rifle range.

53. Not allowed to quote "Full Metal Jacket " at the rifle range.

54. "Napalm sticks to kids" is *not* a motivational phrase.

55. An order to "Put Kiwi on my boots" does *not* involve fruit.

56. An order to "Make my Boots black and shiny" does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not "Why?"

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- I hate everyone in this formation and
wish they were dead, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, we've all got jackboots now, or anyreferences to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

60. "The Giant Space Ants" are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean "I have been promoted three more times than you".

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no "Anti-Mime" campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to "Block out the space mind control lasers".

69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

73. No military functions are to be performed "Skyclad".

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."

84. Must not use military vehicles to "Squish" things.

85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the "field of honor".

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as "Mom".

89. Must not refer to the Commander as "Dad".

90. Inflatables do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony "Romper Bomper Stomper Boo" is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

96. "Redneck Zombies" is not a military training aid.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not "Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks."

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrongto tell new soldiers that they are.

Submitted by gruffcw3